opinion Dear Infinity Ward
I thought I would write you a letter as I am midway through your excellent computer video game â€œModern Warfare 2â€³.
I have two reasons for writing this letter. Firstly I wish to inform you that I find this game highly satisfactory in almost all regards. The graphics are very realistic the gameplay is enjoyable and you’ve even thrown in some ethical dilemmas to make me really think about things.
I particularly like your attention to detail; for example the way you can be killed by a bursting fire hydrant or survive jumping off a cliff by landing on a mattress. That is really cool!
However the second reason that I am writing to you is to let you know that I have been bothered by a glaring omission in the game that has spoiled the experience somewhat for me. No don’t get me wrong! Unlike most console ports the game runs just fine on my PC certainly at a frame rate that puts Fallout 3 to shame; I have no complaints in that regard.
However I’m not sure if you realized that you neglected to put a single Australian character in the game so far.
Maybe there is an Australian character later on. I’m not sure as I’m only halfway through the game. But I thought I should let you know that even this early in it would have been appropriate to put an Australian in there somewhere. I mean we’re in Afghanistan too so it would have been appropriate to have an Australian in the opening training scene somewhere although probably not playing basketball because that’s mainly an American thing.
Maybe off to the side smoking a cigarette with a can that kinda looked like it might have been VB (although a lot of us drink other beers these days for example Coopers Pale Ale or Crownies).
There are two reasons why it should be obvious that you should put an Australian character in your next game which will probably be entitled â€œModern Warfare 3â€³ although I’m not sure if you’ll put â€œCall of Dutyâ€ before it again as this seemed you weren’t sure about that this time.
The first one is that other games for example the Halo series already have Australians. In Halo there is this character called â€œChips Dubboâ€. Now I wouldn’t want you to get the idea that there really are people in Australia called â€œChips Dubboâ€ because there aren’t. It was a really dumb move for Bungie to name a character â€œChips Dubboâ€.
However if â€œChipsâ€ really was from Dubbo you can understand him wanting to be a space marine or whatever because Dubbo is a pretty boring place to live. If he had been called â€œChips BrisVegasâ€ or â€œChips Byron Bayâ€ it would certainly have jazzed up his image a fair bit.
However although â€œChips Dubboâ€ has a name which nobody in Australia in their right mind would ever have there remains the fact that you can hear â€œChips Dubboâ€ making smartcracks in Halo in a passable Australian accent which many people in Australia think is kind of cool. Apparently some of the other space marines in Halo also have Australian accents but not the Covenant troops which would make sense.
So you wouldn’t want Bungie to be cooler than you with their â€œChips Dubboâ€ stunt would you?
A good name would be something ocker like â€œDazzaâ€ because that’s pretty Australian or even better â€œBudgieâ€ which kinda says to my mind that he likes to take the piss.
Secondly and more seriously Infinity Ward did you realize that actually the Australian special forces unit the Special Air Service Regiment is not only based off the British one of the same name but has a history that makes it clear that it is pretty hardcore?
According to this Mark Dodd fellow who writes for a newspaper so Australian it is even called â€œThe Australianâ€ the Australian SAS dates back to 1947 and has been involved in some pretty amazing stuff.
For example (and bear in mind this is Wikipedia so it may not be that accurate as you know there are some internet nerds out there who like to change things on it) apparently the Australian SAS when it served in Vietnam in the 1960’s with the help of some Kiwis killed at least 492 and maybe as many as 598 enemy troops losing only two men killed in action and earning the nickname â€œphantoms of the jungleâ€.
I’m not sure how the real Phantom would feel about that but I don’t think he lives in Vietnam so there may not be too much confusion and it may be OK.
Since then the Australian SAS has been involved in many other activities in global hotspots like Cambodia Afghanistan Kuwait Iraq and so on. Exactly the sort of locations that you like to feature in your excellent â€œModern Warfareâ€ video computer games.
So you can see what I am getting to here Infinity Ward. I would like to humbly request that you include an Australian in the next game which as I have mentioned will likely be called something like â€œModern Warfare 3â€³.
A good spot to put him would be with the British troops â€“ Australians and British get on well together. Or if he has to go in with the Yanks make sure he trash-talks them a little and pays out how weak their beer is as these are favourite past-times of Australians talking to Americans. He can go out for a beer with the British â€“ but he has to mention how crap it is that you can’t get a cold beer in England as they like to drink their beer warm.
If he’s in a tough spot for example if a nuclear bomb goes off in the distance make sure he says something like â€œcrikeyâ€ or â€œbugger meâ€ to express his astonishment at such an unexpected event. Or you might like him to say something like â€œpig’s assâ€ when MacTavish tries to give him a bogus order sometime.
Finally make sure not to call any Australian you put in Modern Warfare 3 something like â€œChips Dubboâ€. A good name would be something ocker like â€œDazzaâ€ because that’s pretty Australian or even better â€œBudgieâ€ which kinda says he likes to take the piss. If you really want to play up the Australian angle you could call him â€œDiggerâ€ which is local slang for â€œsoldierâ€ but that’s probably coming on a bit strong.
Australia is very multicultural so the last name won’t matter too much as long as it’s not something too obvious like â€œPerthâ€ or â€œWagga Waggaâ€.
Anyway Infinity Ward thanks for taking this into account and I expect to see an Australian character in the next â€œModern Warfareâ€ game.